Reflections from an inward journey...

September 28, 2017

Being a people-pleaser has got me in some very interesting situations, cost me a lot of $ and even created a lot of confrontation (the opposite to what you would expect).

 

I spent a long time giving away my power because deep down I was trying to please significant people in my life. I threw away opportunities, I shot myself in the foot countless times not believing in myself, in my ability, in my business and in my previous professions.

 

I allowed people to tell me what I could and couldn't do.

 

I hid who I truly was. I forced myself to be something else, someone else.

 

I felt anxious, I felt stressed, I felt trapped, I felt sad, I felt angry and I felt so frustrated.

 

But the cool part in all this, was having the awareness to realise I was telling myself a lot of bullshit... Knowing I needed to find people to help me break out of this.

 

At the very least, I knew I deserved to be free.

 

I needed someone to call me out on my bullshit - even if I was bullshitting myself.

 

I found those people and finally .. I feel free.

 

...Well, more free than the free I thought I felt before that.

 

I'm really proud of being able to say NO, of trusting in myself and believing in my value. I've grown a lot this year and I'm growing into an even better coach every week.

 

The purpose of sharing this is that there are soooo many layers that make up who you are. You remove one and find another, you remove that and there's more and so on...

 

When I thought I loved myself, I grew some more to realise that I didn't back then, or not as much as I do now.. which in time I'll feel the same about now.

 

When I thought I was free, I grew some more to realise that the free I felt before wasn't free at all, and I'm sure in time I'll think the same about right now.

 

When I thought I believed, I grew to realise I didn't as much as now.

 

When I thought I was connected, I grew more to realise I wasn't as connected as I am now.

 

The more layers I remove, the deeper I feel love, the more free I become and the stronger my belief.

 

The journey inward is something I cannot explain. But all I can say is, it excites me, it challenges me, it reveals more unexpected twists and turns, feelings, emotions.

 

Know that every layer, every level requires a different version.

 

No matter how "shallow" you thought it was before, it was all that you needed and all that was required.

 

You'll only be, when you are ready.

 

The deeper I go, the more connected I am to myself. The deeper I go, the more sides of myself I meet.

 

But now, I'm not fighting myself.

 

I'm not judging myself for being any particular way. For being too much this, and not enough that.

 

I label less and trust more.

 

I need less and receive more.

 

I worry less and relax more.

 

I do less and create more.

 

I am less and I am more.

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