"What we run from, is in actuality, us running from the truth."
We escape the truth of our emotions, we escape the truth of our insecurities, we escape the truth of who we are.
And the further we run, the more frustrated and confused we become.
If we spend our lives running from what we know to be inherently there, to be real, to be right in front of us, we are spending our lives waiting to die.
Imagine this, you're in the hospital, about to take your last breath, and you look back over your entire life.
I can guarantee, you are not thinking about how well you performed for everyone else in your life.
You're wishing you spent LESS time pleasing others, less time running from love, out of fear of getting hurt.
You're not wishing you spent more time with people that made you feel small.
No, you're wishing you spent more time getting to know YOURSELF.
You would be thinking "damn, I wish I danced/sung/had fun more often"
"I wish I followed more of my outrageous dreams"
You'd wish you didn't get so caught up in the smaller, insignificant details of life, you'd wish you didn't take things so seriously.
You'd look back and see how everything, every piece of your puzzle came together. You realise everything had a reason and a rhyme.
You'd realise how much time you wasted trying to control everything and KNOW everything all the time. How much energy you wasted thinking and thinking and thinking about how you should be, how you should do things, how you shouldn't do things, how you look to others, how others look to others.
The energy spent on focussing on all the things you lost along the way, only to realise at the end of your life, how many doors opened as the others would close.
Doors that you missed, opportunities that slipped away while you dwelled on spilt milk.
But in this moment, there would be a small smile, perhaps a shaking of the head, like you finally get it, it all makes sense to you now, and you can;t help but chuckle as you realise how much you let fall through your fingers as yo tried to clutch to all the things not meant for you, that were merely there to teach you something useful.
So there's that long hallucination of what COULD be true for you the more you keep running from the truth, your truth and the truth of all that you are.
I haven't died, nor have I been close, but something inside me tells me that this is the way it works.
I look back on my life, at all the times where I felt lost, uncertain, unclear, frustrated, not knowing what would happen, how life would turn out, but I realise that all of those hiccups make sense to me now, as I'm sure all of your past makes more sense to you now too.
So using that evidence, I feel that life has a way of working out, of taking us on the right journey at the right time when we are ready.
With each path comes each new lesson, new challenge and new miracle.
Often you'll find when you front your fears, when you run towards instead of away, you realise how much better it is learning, resolving and letting go of in stead of running and exhausting yourself trying to avoid constantly.
For me, more often then not, I move towards what I'm afraid of, I move towards the parts of me I'm yet to understand.
I move toward the insecurities, I once condemned and shamed.
The needy part, the controlling part, the abandoned part, the angry part, the naive part, the sad part and every other part that is part of me.
I move towards the outrageous and mysterious parts, I once denied, suppressed and forced away.
I move towards the uncertainty now, with TRUST and grace.
There's less frustration in this place, there's less resistance on top of resistance.
There' less force, and I realise how quickly things shift, once you're willing to move THROUGH what you need to face.
So today, I'd suggest to look at your beautiful and crazy life.
Sit back for a moment and see all the challenges you've overcome, and know that what ever challenges you face now, can be overcome once again.
And if it's the same challenge over and over, what is it you still aren't learning? What is the message you still are not getting?
See all the sense that was made, now as you look back, it's not so random anymore is it?
Now, recognise all the things you are running from, what are those "terrible" things? How scary are they really?
What parts of your life do you run from?
Do you run from love, finances, health, insecurity ?
What do those parts represent within you that you run from?
I think it's time to stop running for once. To embrace it all.
As a wise woman once said, we need to learn the difference between pain and discomfort, for it is the discomfort in life that helps us to grow the most.